Author Archives: Justin McCreary

Playing Tricks and Wasting Film

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I spent a lot of time this week playing tricks with my camera, actually a lot of time trying to shoot double exposures. In fact, I have a lot of pictures that are completely black or completely white, and more where I can barely make out the target.

However, lets just look at some basic pictures, I am continuing to work on light levels.

FondrenBarber01 UUChurchSign01

But Like I lost most of my film trying to double expose. With my camera the way I double expose I by opening the loading bay at the bottom of the camera to keep the picture from advancing through the rollers. I had some great early shots.

DoubleJustin

Zeppelin Four and Me

DoubleJustin02

This is me appearing to Star Lord in a vision.

I have to admit that these shots were fun, I thought I had the hang of the process so I took these shots next. My face is a lot more clear in the second picture but I think it worked. Neat thing about this film, often when it doesn’t work it still looks cool. There is often something special about the picture, even when they don’t come out right. After these pictures came out so well I tried the ones below the next day.

Taken at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Jackson

Taken at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Jackson

Supposed to be a Chalice over a Brass Tree

Supposed to be a Chalice over a Brass Tree

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So obviously I don’t have the hang of it. These wash outs are amazingly bad. I have a few ideas about the problem, but at the end of the day I don’t really know. I know that I have an entire cartridge of completely washed out pictures from attempted double exposures, and completely blacked out photos from my attempts at mirror selfies (none of the mirror selfies worked).

But there is no reason to end this post with wash outs and overly dark photos so here are some fun pictures . I played with the light/dark settings on the camera. I can’t say I like one of these pictures over the other, actually I am not sure if I really “like” either of them. On the left side the Minecraft figure is in focus but the candles wash, on the right the candles look great but the Minecraft figure is out of focus. But hey, what can you do?

Just some candles and minecraft.

Just some candles and Minecraft.

Candles02

Fuzzy Minecraft guy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think I will get some color film next time. It may help with the double exposures, but if anyone has any feedback let me know.

Playing Photography

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One major drawback to Polaroid photography, is the expense. I ran out of film quickly last time and had to wait longer than I would have liked, before ordering more. Then after ordering, it seems like it took forever for the film to actually make it to Mississippi. I really liked the look of the Black and White 2.0 film so that is all I am using right now. I am not done with color but I may wait until they upgrade the color film to 2.0, besides I am loving the Black and White.

Many of my photos were of family members, my daughters, my niece, my wife, however, you will be seeing my other photos, as I said in my last post I think my family would be extremely perturbed to find their pictures showing up on my blog.

This post will focus on the lessons I have learned since last time, and the lessons I learn while taking the pictures. Sadly, it takes a lot of pictures to get the feel of the camera, and each picture develops and costs.

My goal is to explain what I did different and how I tried to make the photo better. Writing it out helps me learn. I would also appreciate any feedback.

 

I have lots of hats

I have lots of hats

Hats02

Really I have lots of hats

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I noticed that when using Black and White film, white becomes really white and dark becomes black. I also noticed that the camera had a slide bar to indicate how close or far away from the target I am standing. For the first picture on the left, I was looking to shoot the books behind the hat rack however and the only thing I could see was my big Panama Hat. To get closer to my intended photo, I chose removed the Panama Hat and added one with a little bit more texture, I actually changed multiple hats. I also decided that I should back up and I slid the indicator that identifies when I am further from the target.

I really liked the way it turned out for the second shot, I saw the background I was looking for and even got a ghostly globe hanging out over the light. I am not sure if it was just the distance and change in hat that helped the picture, I will have to experiment with the slide bar indicating distance.

The Fireplace at the Koinonia Coffee House in Jackson, MS.

The Fireplace at the Koinonia Coffee House in Jackson, MS.

I took this picture after a meeting I was attending in Jackson, MS with a Catholic and ECLA Priest. I love this fireplace at the Koinonia Coffee House in West Jackson. I stopped before leaving to take this picture. I get very self-conscious when I use any camera but my phone, I feel a little exposed. Immediately some of the older patrons took note of my Polaroid, the Catholic Priest said, “That thing should be in a museum.” I chuckled. However, all the Millennials wanted to hear about the Impossible Project. I suppose over time I will be less self-conscious about public picture taking, but right now, my introversion comes out, sadly that makes me miss good opportunities.

I really needed to practice outside, and already feeling a little over exposed I just came home looking things to shoot, which brings me these pictures. After the washouts of the past I took some advice from various websites, and rigged a shield so that the picture would be covered immediately. It worked like a charm.

Gizmo and Torn Up Baseball

Gizmo and Torn Up Baseball

I was walking through my backyard looking for something special, and I found this really neat baseball, it had been run over with my lawn mower and should have probably been thrown away but, I thought it might be fun to try and pick up the texture of the ball with the camera. However, when I began to frame it Gizmo, our Shelty walked up and sniffed the ball.  I snapped the picture right away. I was pleasantly surprised to see the picture, I didn’t get the picture I wanted I got something better.

I love the shadow from the chairs and the white fur offset by the almost mocha shade of the brown. I wondered if the picture would come out better had I been in the shade so I tried to replicate it but Gizmo refused to cooperate.

Gizmo Refusing to Cooperate.

Gizmo Refusing to Cooperate.

Gizmo must have known that the first picture was great and I just needed another nice picture, so he stood very still while I took this one.

I am really enjoying this hobby. I don’t know what to do with all the pictures, though. I am beginning to amass quite a pile. I notice that I look over them often while I listen to records. Actually I most often look over the pictures of my family. There is something special about analogue photography and analogue music together.

I hope you enjoy, and seriously, feedback please!!!

Playing With a Polaroid

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I enjoy having as many different hobbies as I can fit into my life, and though that means I may never become a pro at any one of them it does mean that I always have something to work on, and I will never get bored.

So, like every other free thinking human in the world I thought, “Let’s try photography,” and I figured if I am going to do it I might as well keep it analog. Actually my interest came after we bought my daughters the new Fujifilm Instamax cameras (if you have never seen one they look like marshmallows and take really nice pictures). I knew that Polaroid stopped making 600 film in the early 2000’s but wondered if anyone else was making it, then I read about the impossible project.

Now before you look at any pictures I want you all to understand I am not a photographer, so don’t hold me to that standard. However, I have been having fun.

I found this Polaroid Impulse camera and learned that the Impossible Project makes the old 600 film. I am not going to go over the history of the Impossible Project however, if you are playing with old Polaroids they offer film. Currently they offer basic color film, black and white, and black and white 2.0. I have found the black and white 2.0 film the best. I look forward to 2.0 color film coming out someday.

Polaroid Impulse

 

After taking my pictures I scanned them into my computer with my HP scanner. Often I just snap a picture with my phone to post to Instagram but in this case I thought that scanning would be better.

 

RecordPlayer01ReelTape02ReelTape

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Obviously I was going to practice on things I loved, so here is some of my beloved audio gear. I love the black and white film, I feel like it holds the dichotomy of the joy of moving forward and the somberness of loss.

FondrenFireHydrant

Downtown Fondren in Jackson Mississippi

Of course there is also color film and a whole outside world of which to take pictures. My wife commented when I showed her this picture that it looked like the 70’s. And as you look to the picture below, forgive my over saturation, I am new at this. I have also learned that with this film I need to shield the picture from the light as soon as it prints (I mean AS SOON AS IT PRINTS) otherwise I get this.

FondrenBuilding01

Fondren Building in Jackson Mississippi

Which is cool but, I would like be able to see the building.

Now this one below is very special to me.

UUAltar

Altar at the Unitarian Universalst Church in Jackson Mississippi.

I love the black and white with the religious symbols. It was neat to see the glare coming off the glass and the way it reflected onto the wall. There is something in the mistakes that makes this picture beautiful. After taking this pic I realized I really enjoy this hobby. I have other favorite pictures, in fact one of the best I have taken is of my daughter, however I imagine that she would be embarrassed to know her face showed up on a blog.

Like I said pictures of things I love.

Like I said pictures of things I love.

But before I let you go, I will add this picture. I took it with a Fujifilm Instamax 210, and though my heart will always beat for the vintage camera, the film is much more affordable and prints more clearly.

Thank you for checking out my foray into picture taken (I don’t know if I would say I am doing photography).

Of Max and Me: In Honor of My Grandma

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My father called me while I was sitting in my car in the drive through at McDonald’s. I had just handed the woman behind the window my debit card as he told me that Grandma Max had died. My grandmother was not an open book, she seldom spoke of her past, neither child nor adult. I asked her once, when I had become an adult, to tell me about her childhood and she began by telling me about her mother. She told me that the day her mother died was like losing her best friend. I don’t remember much about the rest of our conversation, and I am ok with that. I asked her a lot of hard questions about the stories she’d always avoided, and she answered every one of them fearlessly, and though that past may survive in her brothers, I am happy to let that part of her memory die without giving it a second thought, because regardless of the struggles and difficulties of her past, she loved me thoroughly without question. So I will always focus on the stories she chose to tell when I didn’t ask, and the life we lived side by side. I will remember her as I always have, her grandson.

And our story begins like this…

There is an alley that runs through Warwood, in Wheeling, West Virginia. My grandmother walked that alley daily, in hindsight it strikes me how much of her life and mine was spent walking through that alley. It was not very wide, only one car could fit through, and though I drove through it frequently as a teenager. Now, when I visit I refuse to even attempt a trip through because the alley was constructed out of blind intersections and potholes.

When I was very young Grandma Max would visit every Saturday. Our visits were always the same. My brother and I would put on our shoes and we would walk, for my grandmother did not drive. We walked for what seems like hours, but it was always worth it. It was worth it because at the end of our walk I would gaze ever so hopefully on the golden arches of McDonald’s Restaurant. My brother and I were regular visitors to McDonald’s, sometimes after school Dad would pick us up in his yellow truck and take us through the drive through. That generally happened on Thursday, because Thursday was pay day. But there was one big difference between my father’s visits and my Grandmother’s visits, Grandma would buy us Happy Meals.

My father’s refusal to buy happy meals was very logical. First, it wasn’t enough food. Second, nuggets didn’t come in happy meals at the time, and dad wasn’t going to let me waste a hamburger. And finally, the toys were cheap and often broke or didn’t work right. Grandma however, bought the happy meal and an order of nuggets so I could get my toy, even though in most cases the toy was either forgotten or broken before I got home.

After McDonald’s we would stop in to see my Grandma’s best friend Katherine. Katherine worked at a dry-cleaners on Warwood Avenue. I remember she would always give us pennies or nickels while they talked, Aric (my brother) and I would feed them into the gum machine. The gum machine would spit out these tiny square shaped pieces that, after 5 minutes, tasted like cardboard. Though, for some reason they were great. I didn’t realize until later how much Katherine treated us like family. She would send us a gift on Christmas and did not mind us raiding the penny tray by the cash register.

Some days we went to her home to visit, I don’t remember much about her home other than the ring shaped pipe holder on the end table, I didn’t figure she actually smoked them but I could not get over how cool they looked.

Grandma’s rented a house right off the alley, and after leaving Katherine’s we would sometimes stop by. I don’t remember a lot about that house, only really the day it was torn down. I don’t know if that place held good memories for Grandma, and I never thought to ask. I remember a lot though about the duplex she rented on 19th street afterward, it also sat right on the alley. The apartment had a boiler in the basement and a radiator in the living room. During the winter by brother would scoot by in his sox touch the radiator to watch the spark, then he would touch me to watch me jump.

We spent a lot of time in that alley, walking ever to and fro. If you grew up in Warwood with me you may remember my Grandmother walking through. I also grew up in a house almost right off the ally, and I imagine next time I am home I won’t be able to sit on that porch of the house, without expecting Grandma Max to come around that corner and walk Aric and I to McDonalds.

On the phone I couldn’t help but tell my father how glad I was that he waited to call until I was in the drive through at McDonald’s. It gave me the chance to think only of her as I drove to my meeting eating my chicken nuggets. I think next time I may get a happy meal, of course they don’t have enough food and the toys always break anyway. But still, a happy meal, an extra order of nuggets, a milkshake, and Grandma Max, what could be better?

Why I Write and What I Expect

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I am trying to write more, at least trying to write again. Writing for my church blog has been a reminder of the joy I first felt in publishing my early journey. I never blogged for fame but I always wanted to be read. I wonder what I will leave behind when I say goodbye to this current existence. I write to leave something behind. I read old posts and laugh, because my I have changed since 2002 when I started blogging.

As I said before, I started this revival while writing for the church blog at UU Jackson , then at Friday Vinyl. Friday Vinyl, my music blog, actually started because I had time on Friday’s to stop and buy a new record, and after buying the record I began to sink into the memories of the songs. I have thoroughly enjoyed the process. I needed something more though. I needed a place to share everything else. The church blog is not appropriate for politics and Friday Vinyl is not appropriate for non-music related topics.

About that time I bought a domain and started this space. I have considered over and over again what to add to this blog and when to add it. I have decided that my posts to this blog will not be scheduled, and will follow no specific thread. I will post as ideas come up to post.

I love writing, I love it because it reminds me of divine creation. When I type the words, or write them on paper I have created something that before did not exist. The words and the ideas rattle around in my mind, then I channel them through my hands and they are birthed onto the screen. My words are like children, they are part of me but I know as soon as I put them down they will take on meaning of their own. I can argue for authorial intent but let’s be honest the written word is alive and when read people join their minds to it and create something new.

My struggle with writing tends to come in two ways. The first is emptiness, separate from writers block. I struggle with the void. I read many blogs and posts that have no actual content to them, people write because they are paid to or because they decide to not because they have something to say so they say nothing. When they write they ignore the void, I don’t know if I can do that, I don’t know how to write if I have no topic.

It is hard to define the next struggle. I begin with a direction, and the goal of about 600 words, I find that 600 words later I am entrenched in a struggle to get to where I am going. Maybe I can call this problem, focus. I sat, right before I started this post, to write about a book I have finished. I had to stop when I realized that the post will have to be expanded to two parts, and I will have to rework the material I have created have created only a seed, and I am struggling to guide the growth, while letting it flow naturally. If I don’t guide the growth there will be 1500 words staring you in the face, and no one wants that.

Keep reading, and let me know you read. I would like to know what you create with my words, for when we read I consider the words of Bradbury through Faber “You play God to it (Fahrenheit 451).”

In Defense of Religion

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Since coming to the Unitarian Universalist Church I have meditated often on reclaiming theological language, I have enjoyed getting to write sermons and blog posts about things like faith, hope, redemption, and salvation. These words have deep theological history and meaning but over the years have been overwhelmed by religious baggage. At the end of the day these ideas are still relevant but we have to be responsible about the way we use them. For me reclaiming a theological heritage that has been hijacked by one group is paramount in the study of theology. And though I would never take away their right to use these terms narrowly it doesn’t mean I have to give them up either.

During the late 90’s into the 2000’s the statement I’m not religious I’m spiritual became popular. The goal of this article is not an incitement of the people who make this statement but to ask the question what is religion? It is an important question because within the culture the terms religion and religious are often spat out like bad fish. So this post will ask, what is this religion we do not want to associate with? It is important to explore this because the current aversion to religion makes clear one basic truth religion is failing people. The second question we will discuss in the latter half of the article is, what is spirituality? Finally we will explore a different understanding of true religion.

I find it easier to understand the negative usage of the term through a series of basic images. The first that comes to mind is luxury. The preacher makes six figures and has even more hidden off shore. The church has an IMAX Theater and gift shop that sells little crosses that say things like Faith, Hope, and Love, with the name of the church printed on the stand. This church, feeding off of its congregants, looks beautiful, and makes us feel even better while we are inside, whether it positively effects and represents its community or not doesn’t matter, but it sure is sparkly.

The next Image is described by the word Mask. The preacher, the elders, the staff, they are not what they seem to be. They all have their own sins that stay hidden. The congregants are the same. They act one way in church and a different way at home or at work. They talk about helping the poor, but take few actions, they mention freedom but rest in control. This church is not about making the community better, but about making its members look better. In fact they all live somewhere else and drive in. They revel in the theology, “Do what I say not what I do.”

The last image I will use is described by the phrase, out of touch. This gospel was for another time. It doesn’t take into account the world in which we live. The congregants aren’t part of the neighborhood like they were when the church was founded, they rest behind gates both in their communities and the church itself keeping the neighborhood from finding its way in. The curriculum screams 1972, and the music no longer has depth. And if you don’t like it they will be happy to quote Hebrew 8 that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Their god doesn’t like you, and chances are they don’t either, just keep walking.

I suspect there are many people who would not feel accepted in the places I just described. These places are unfeeling, disconnected, and unaccepting. They only care about their issues and they don’t want to change anything because they are afraid of change. These churches are all about what they look like, not what they do. They are luxurious, out of touch places where people where masks. And these practices have been the defining factor of religion for a few decades now. So prevalent in fact that people stopped using the word all together.

But what I find most important about these images is that they are caricatures not real. Don’t get me wrong there are some frustrating churches out there but most churches I walk into, even the out of touch ones with which we don’t agree, are full of people who struggle with life and do the best they can. The descriptions I have given, I do not believe. In fact, I would call them inappropriate and judgmental. If I were to explain them to a copy of myself seriously I would respond with the statement, “Who made you their god, and who gives you the right to judge them?” Though it is these images we use to describe religion as “everything that is wrong with faith.”

Now we have to look at the other side of the matter, spirituality. Merriam Webster defines the word spiritual simply as relating to a person’s spirit. That’s a nice definition and I like it, but will expand on it because I am a minister and that is what I do. Spirituality relates to our individuality, it is a part of who we are as a people. It is our communion with our spirit, and it relates to our core. We all have spiritual practices, many of them are personal, and they all help us understand our meaning and purpose. We do not seek to infringe on someone else’s spirituality with rules and regulations, they can be as orderly or chaotic as one like. Being spiritual is freeing, no one else can say how it should be done for you, but sometime we need others.

Spirituality is very personal, and we choose how much of our personal spirituality to share, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be spiritual together and when we are spiritual together we have to talk about guidelines and basic rules that help us treat each other with respect, which brings us to religion. Religion, when appropriate, becomes a vehicle for spirituality, it is a part of but not the whole. However, religion cannot exist without spiritual people. Religious practice then offers an opportunity to be spiritual together. When we light the chalice, sing together, share joys and concerns, and listen to a sermon, we are being spiritual and since we are doing it together we are being religious too.

Originally the two words were synonyms, but the movement to be spiritual but not religious changed that. I don’t think that was a negative change I think it better helps us understand who we are and our part in the community. It helps us bring a very personal thing into our relationships with others in a way that benefits everyone but protects who we are. Because of this multiple decade conversation I can say very clearly I am a religious person, but I could not be one if I was not first spiritual.

Religion doesn’t have to be close minded, hateful, and set in the old ways. Religion should be as vibrant as the people who practice it, and we as UUs are a very vibrant people, with many different traditions. But when religion becomes a negative force I question then whether it is truly religion anymore. The book of James describes true and faultless religion to be one that looks after orphans and widows. We expand this as UU’s but keep the core of the verse, religion should be about the thi

The Forgotten Virtue

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There are a number of standard answers from all the variety of traditions within Unitarian Universalistism in regard to the number of individuals it takes to change a light bulb.

One tradition says that we should accept the light bulb as it is, another that we think the light bulb if it desires to change should change itself. One tradition calls for a quorum, which is 5 or 6 – wait, how many are in a quorum, and did we call Paul who is in charge of buildings and grounds . . . oh God, wait, no, hold on . . . never mind – what was I talking about?

Oh yes, as to light bulbs, my favorite response is:

We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if, in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you that is wonderful. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb. Present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

I remember when I first came to the UUCJ one member offered a new UU joke every week. This never offended me, it actually kept me coming back. In fact, the light bulb joke helped me decide I wanted to be a Unitarian Universalist. Being able to laugh at myself has always been important, I do many silly things, and though sometimes I am being serious when they happen, learning to laugh at them helps me realize not to take myself so seriously. I find I often take myself way too seriously, and most the arguments I get into are when I am doing that very thing.

Ken McLeod, Buddhist teacher, makes the point that we should be okay with laughing at ourselves while discussing beginning meditation. He states that one of the first things we learn is that our minds are never quiet, and we must learn to laugh at our Monkey Mind, always jumping from topic to topic, and never being still. He doesn’t call upon us to lament our inability to be light-hearted about it.

In the Hebrew Bible we read about the story of Isaac. Angels came to visit his parents before he was born. They said to Abraham, who was 100 years old, that his 90 year old wife, Sarah, would have a child in the next year. Sarah, over hearing this laughed, but the angles never condemned her lack of faith. Maybe they understood the silly notion of a 90 year old woman giving birth, and they probably also understood that her first 90 childless years had been very hard on her. The angels said, because she had laughed, she would now have to name him Isaac, to which the root word in Hebrew means laughter. Nine months later she never complained about naming her child Laughter, because now her laughing was not in derision but in joy.

The seven heavenly virtues go like this:

  • Chastity
  • Temperance
  • Charity
  • Diligence
  • Forgiveness
  • Kindness
  • Humility

Granted, we have not had the opportunity to discuss these in forum or during a board meeting because we don’t consider these words dogma, but they come from one of our sources. Of course, if we were to take these into conference, I would make a point on one very important forgotten virtue–humor. If humor was added, I would be alright with the Heavenly Virtues. It is important to have a good sense of humor, especially when we work so hard to do important things. As UU’s we are often working toward very lofty and difficult goals and we face a lot of discouragement. Sometimes we just need to have a good laugh.

Many times Jon Stewart has been accused of being too light-hearted about serious subjects–making jokes about important issues. To this, Jon Stewart generally reminds dissenters that he hosts a comedy show on a comedy network. He does take very important issues and relate them to us in a way in which we can laugh, but he has found this amazing middle ground where we can laugh, while at the same time look upon these topics seriously. That is the gift of comedy, the gift of humor.

Why don’t we take some time and give that gift to each other this week, either in the comments here or on the facebook page? Just remember to keep it positive and PG-13–after all, we are Unitarian Universalist–what would people think?

Spiritual Themes in Earth Day

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A few years ago I watched a youtube video especially dedicated to Earth Day. The man in the video started a gas blower and set it down, then he started a gas weed eater and set it down, then he started a push mower (remember all these things are still running) then a ride-on mower, then his car, and his truck. At the bottom of the screen flashed the words “Happy Earth Day.” The creator of the video was making an obvious statement. He did not support the ideals of Earth Day, and obviously didn’t accept the concept of climate change. This offended my sensibilities. I remember driving an old car with no air conditioner on I-240 in Memphis, Tennessee, reading signs that said, “Smog Warning: Leave Your Windows Up.”

As Unitarian Universalists, we articulate very clearly our ideals through our principles, specifically the 7th principle:

Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

This principle reminds us that that we are part of this world and this world is a part of us. We should, therefore, care for the world so it can care for us. However, even before coming to the Unitarian Universalist Church, taking care of the planet was a spiritual issue for me. Every year around Earth Day when I had the chance to preach a sermon I showed pictures of the great Pacific garbage patch, smog warnings, and oil-covered ducks. Of course, I didn’t start there–I started with the Hebrew Bible.

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”-Genesis 1:28

Coming near the end of the creation narrative, this statement defines the roll of man in the new creation. Upon a simple read, it doesn’t say much, the only thing that really ever stuck out to me is the word “subdue.” The word in Hebrew is generally used during war–in referencing the control of something hostile. In this case, there is nothing hostile working against Adam and Eve. They are working in congruence. Quite simply put, “you are in charge.” The next word that sticks out is “rule” (or to have dominion over). This is not being used in a violent context. In essence, humanity is set up as steward of creation. There is nothing violent here. Humanity is never asked to fight against creation but to care for it. In fact, it is one of the oldest commands in the Hebrew Bible. In this context, the world will be shaped by humans and it will reflect their own nature. Later, as we move through Genesis into Noah’s narrative, we find that reflection to be found wanting.

Some Unitarian Universalists, however, don’t really give much precedence to a biblical or Christian argument. We have been presented with scientific studies that inform our cultural milieu in regard to environmentally sound solutions and that is fine. However, I still think it is important to know. I think it is important because as we study the political landscape we often find that those who oppose earth friendly solutions are often aligned with the political/religious right, and in that context, it often means Christians. If we look upon the recent history of our planet, we clearly see that human beings, since their rise to power, have shaped this earth.

Even more importantly it creates a spiritual alignment that connects most religious belief systems; that is, we are connected (or maybe interconnected) spiritually to the world around us and all things dwelling above and below it. Spiritually, we are part of the whole, we are interdependent, which means we are individual and corporate at the same time. In fact, whether one believes they are created in God’s image or not, the responsibility to our home is the same. If in fact one believes this world was created “good,” wouldn’t that mean we should try to keep it that way? Sometimes I struggle working with people with that worldview as they ignored smog and pollution. They ignored species after species becoming extinct and the destruction of the forests necessary to provide us oxygen. I always struggled to understand how any person, religious or not, could look upon the earth we created and call it good.

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On Patriotism

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Last week my family and I went to see the new Captain America movie. I had to admit going into the movie that Captain America had never been one of my favorite superheroes and the first movie didn’t really move me very much. For me, Captain America represented a kind of nationalism that made me uncomfortable. I saw only this idea that we could point to a place in our history and say, “Those were the good old days.” I can’t help but consider my frustration that nationalism, masquerading as patriotism, is causing more problems than it is fixing. Living in a part of the country that is often referred to as “real” or “the most patriotic” America, I met the movie at first with great trepidation. I had heard good things. However, if I couldn’t get a better ideal from being American than the one purported by those who historically defended slavery and segregation by religious means, I feared I would have to leave the theater. I was surprised by this movie and the feeling I had after the movie–adulation.

Growing up surrounded by stagnant conservatives, I was often berated for being un-American. I was considered many things, but patriot was not one of them. As a proponent of many “questionable” ideals, I found that I didn’t fit in with most of my friends. Even in my childhood we lived in a polarized United States. I grew up in that polarization, and it seems that our country’s polarization has gotten worse. I remember once as a young adult being asked, “If you don’t like living here, why don’t you leave?” I have always struggled with pejorative questions, and this one wasn’t any easier for me to answer. In the end, I had to realize that question (as it was presented) could not be answered. The fact was then and is now, I love living here. I love being an American. I think this country was founded on good principles. These principles, however, were bestowed upon us by human beings like me–imperfect.

As a child I was taught that, knowing their own imperfection, our founding forebears created the Constitution of the United States of America, and this Constitution was to be a living document that would grow and evolve as it needed to. I still believe that. It is for that reason I believe that I am a patriot.

I believe my friends often mistook my willingness to speak in opposition to the “American” perspective (met with my extremely uncritical attitude toward other countries) as betrayal. If I thought Europe was doing something better, I wasn’t American. If I thought we should look at an example from Japan, I was unpatriotic. If I questioned the oligarchy of the American dollar, I was a communist. If I called into question actions committed by those in power in regard to racial, religious, or classist bias, I was simply full of crap. I thought then as I do now that we must critically look into our own actions so we can become better. We need not cloud our vision with bias but build a country and a world with a just vision–a vision of things to come.

Unitarian Universalists are believers in the democratic process–in fact, so much that we have embedded it into our 5th principle:

The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large.

We are a people who are vocal and active in our country. During Sunday service, the announcement portion often lets us know of many opportunities to be part of the changing landscape. At least once a year we are given the opportunity to stand on a soap box and proclaim to the masses (at least the ones who come to the service that day) our message to the world. I know when I come to the UU church I can find someone who will answer my question about registering to vote or how I can be part of a social justice movement. Every Sunday morning I get the opportunity to fellowship with very informed people serving a goal of peace, liberty, and justice for all (6th principle). I can’t help but wonder if one Sunday I might come in to see Steve Rogers counted within our role.

Reflections on Happiness

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Growing up, my parents and grandparents made clear their goal for me in life was to be happy. I hear my wife’s parents say the same thing to my wife–“I just want you to be happy.” As a parent, I look to my children and find myself hoping for their happiness. Since it does seem to be that important, it doesn’t surprise me that when I walk through a bookstore’s self-help isle (which I often do), I see many titles on attaining happiness. I don’t know if it is just Americans who want to be happy but we sure do want to be happy. I often wonder if the dialogue relates to a human struggle with happiness.

A few weeks ago, I preached a sermon on the meaning of life–articulating very clearly that I do not know the meaning of life. In closing, I articulated my belief that asking the question is more important than getting an answer. As I consider meaning with happiness I wonder if you, as readers and human beings, think much about happiness like I do. For me, meaning and happiness cross paths. These few paragraphs are simply my reflections on happiness, and as reflections they may not resolve much, but it is part of my belief that we should always think on and ask the questions, whether we ever find the answers.

Happiness is a feeling, at least that is how we often handle it. When I worked with people who have a hard time articulating their feelings I ask for a simple response to external stimuli; are you sad, glad, mad, or scared? This simple question offers the beginning of a path toward self-awareness. I often find it easier to list the negative ones than the positive. I wonder if that is because I spend more time fixated on the negative.

I struggled growing up (and into adulthood) with negative emotions. Maybe not with the emotions themselves but with a very obsessive focus on them. I had grown up with various physical limitations that made me keenly aware of when I was getting too excited. In general, excited led to nervousness, then anxiety, then fear, which led to physical pain. I grew up with (simply stated) “a nervous stomach” that was later fixed with surgery. And though the physical issue was fixed the emotional one stayed behind.

As I approached adulthood, I noticed that I was never really happy. That doesn’t mean I never felt joy or excitement, but that the positive emotions never sunk in deeply. Over time, I actually had to learn how to let the positive happen–happiness was fleeting while anxiety and sorrow was lasting. Happiness only led to disappointment, thus happiness became something to fear. However, when I started seminary, I began to learn spiritual principles that changed my understanding.

I was a reactive child (and am often a reactive adult). I believed it was external pressures that caused negative feelings. My feelings were caused by people and situations. There was nothing I could do to change them. I was enslaved to them. If I could only change the outside, I’d fix the pressures. If only I could find the right friends, faith, or woman, I wouldn’t have to fear sadness anymore. I wouldn’t have to fear sorrow and that would fix my anxiety. If only I could create the world in the image I wanted then I could find happiness.

Over time, I learned that happiness did not come from degrees, jobs, friends, faith, or even a wife. These things could not cause happiness to grow within me, because happiness didn’t come from without, but from within me. The fear of sorrow was always stalking me. Therefore, if I could equate joy with happiness, I had to think of joy and wonder. I knew joy. I had felt it many times. I loved the feeling of joy and I craved it. When joy would come, I would hold on to it, grasp it with tight fists and never let go. However, what I noticed was that the joy was gone when I opened my hand. All that was left was a feeling of loss.

Over many years, through different perspectives, something more has seemed to emerge. This truth has risen through the waters of chaos like a small peak. Joy is an emotion and maybe it is fleeting; but then isn’t sorrow also an emotion, thus also fleeting? What if all emotions are fleeting, what if they all evaporate into the spiritual atmosphere around us once they are finished? What if in one day I can feel joy, sorrow, love, fear, hope, and anger? How do I categorize that day happy or sad?

Over the years I have learned I cannot always control those emotions, but maybe I can control how I respond to them. When I felt joy and grasped hold of it, I couldn’t keep it–I lost it; but when I left my hands open, I let it evaporate into the atmosphere. Maybe a simpler way to put it is, “I let it go.” When I felt sorrow, I kept my hands open and let it go. When I felt love, I kept my hands open and let it go. Then, and only then, could I truly experience life and really know joy.

A fact of life is that there will always be bad. The problem is that when we take away bad, we have to take away the good, and, over time, we decide, however unintentionally, that it is just easier to sacrifice the good so we can avoid the bad. But maybe happiness comes when we realize the good and bad flow through us. Our hearts are permeable. Our feelings come and go as they will, but the minute we try to hold them too tightly we lose them, especially the good ones. What if the secret to happiness is being willing to let good and bad feelings run their course–fully experiencing all of life–not just the parts we want to?