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Fat (A poem about beauty)

Breeze...
over my arm- 
the sound of cars- the smell of coffee
I sit

My shirt
Buttons stressed over my bulging stomach...

I don't know what I look like anymore
I can't even hear my voice over the cacophony of shoulds and aughts
     so many I don't know where to start

My shirt cuts into the fat under my arm.
I am not warm- as the sweat builds on my upper lip. 

Years of should and aught-
my body broken under its own weight
the stiffness in my shoulder
The pain in my wrist as I write these words.

I am too old to hate my body
Too old to care
Now I just
          -live
Original text of my notebook

Hope Comes in the Morning: A poem about waking up

Not mud, nor a shell, just cold
Leaving the loving embrace 
So soft, so warm, not cold
hugged by a fluffy weight

But waken we must
And forward we go
The dark night is my friend
But so is the light of day

Because hope comes in the morning
Even when it’s ignored. 

I get what you say
Just let me sleep longer
You can’t
There are musts to do

And those musts will have their do
And you won’t even hate it
Your just comfy right now
hugged by a fluffy weight. 

Because hope comes in the morning
Even when it’s ignored. 

You will sing songs
About sorrows and joys
You will feed puppies
Who love you without question

The musts aren’t that bad
if I can just move a bit
To embrace the cold morning
Though hugged by a fluffy weight

Because hope comes in the morning 
Even when it’s ignored. 

Chrysalis

I have been reflecting on my ADHD and Depression through poetry, I hope you enjoy this poem about getting out of bed in the morning.

The worm begets her work today
In the Chrysalis she makes
And all the energy involved
As through the shell she breaks. 

I wonder of the texture touch
The one her hands have found
When the future needs thee push
I wish to not be ‘round. 

The sun breaks through the window pain
In the cold cold winter air. 
The warmth beneath the blankets call
And scream not tarry there

The shell around my body firm
The need outside it roars
And though I’d rather not go out
Nay breaking winter storm

The winter of my life it comes
Even when the spring begets
And lost are days and sometimes found
For death above regret. 

A Poem About the Hard Days

Some days are filled with riot
Some days are full of rancor
Some days full of hard hard work
And some of battles wild

Other days just like nights
And sleepy sleepy echoes
When all the day long nothing comes
And …Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, ugh… 

And God’s own Son they called him Christ
A busy busy bee
Would turn the temple tables 
And thousands he would feed

But the night with ebon pinyon 
He brooded or the vale
He sought the lone embrace
An absent father fails. 

But even other lighter days
He’d sit and walk with friends
Or alone for thirty years
Just trying to blend in. 

I wonder if Christ’s depression
Was anything like mine
I wonder if he tossed and turned
And finally his night resigned? 

Or if there were days no living face
Could rouse him from his bed
Even in the early 
Before the thorns up on his head

Oh hell, I don’t know 
It’s just a thought of mine
Oh, holy Christ I just don’t know
Where all my hope has gone

And the blankest days
And the empty nights 
And the times of muddled mind
[I had a thought now gone]

Christmas in Short

A Cheesy Christmas Poem from Mississippi Because There aren’t many.

By Justin and Alicia McCreary

It’s Christmas day in shorts
Because I live here in Mississippi

It’s Christmas day in shorts
No smoke going up the chimney

But still the lights adorn the house
And comfy outside is the mouse

Where the mosquitoes fly to and fro
and my Christmas sweater does not go

For tee-shirts and shorts to enjoy cornbread dressing
Barbecue pork my shirt up, is messing

Sweet potato pie, and brisket to boast
Black eyed peas and a visit from the holy ghost

Then afternoon comes and we turn the AC
Because of the meat sweats while we watch TV

Holiday movies we’ve all seen before
Oh look some deviled eggs, I think I’ll have more.

Wait did aunt Peggy just bring Oyster Dressing
And when did this gumbo show up I was missing.

I suspect I am full, but I can have a little bit more
After pecan pie, and collard greens comes napping I’m sure.

We’ve moved all the folding chairs, borrowed from church
And we’re napping and napping, and yawning…. (Snore Sound)

Wait what was I doing? I think I’ll have another slice of pie!

And then we take leftovers in sacks from Piggly Wiggly.
Where did this Jello come from so jiggly.

And then as we leave we stand in the driveway
as another hour passes and goodbye we say.

Because Christmas down here seldom has snow
But in the heat, and mosquitos there’s love that we show.

Love baked in treats, and savory foods
Love in the hearts, in the souls and the moods.

Because Christmas down here is different than songs
For Christmas in Shorts, never goes wrong.

Chewing and the Art of Biting off Too Much.

Like many of you the most recent pandemic has been very difficult for me. I learned a lot about myself, most of which is that I was not prepared to live though a pandemic. During this time, I often found that I was keeping myself busy. During times like this I often learn something new and continue to work through older things I’ve learned. Basically, I pick up hobbies. I did find however, that through quarantine I struggled with my depression and anxiety. And just in case you are curious, I don’t bare shame about my depression and anxiety. In fact, I am open about them. I choose, as a minister and all-around human being, to be open about them because of social stigma around mental health. Mental health is no different than any other health issue, in fact the refusal to practice self-care around mental health exacerbates other issues you may have. But that isn’t the topic I have chosen for today.

As a religious person, I try to practice spirituality, you might have heard this called spiritual practice. One of the ways I do this is through living authentically. Jean-Paul Sartre once said, “My life and my philosophy are one and the same.” When I consider spiritual practice, I think of Brother Lawrence and Saint Therese Lafleur. I think of my life lived as spiritual practice, also what makes me feel alive. The biggest thing that helps me through difficult time is throwing myself into something I’ve never done and learning a moderate proficiency in it. Often these are the things I post about in my blogs. The problem is that during the pandemic I started to learn a lot of different things, and the one thing I didn’t feel like was processing those things spiritually.

I had plans, during the pandemic do write about my Commodore 64, but before I could I started baking. I actually prepared some articles on the baking but before them I threw myself into a live action role playing game called “Call of Cthulhu.” I was considering an article on that, when I began to work on my ham radio license.

While all this was happening, I lost two canine members of the family, you may have seen my post about Princess, two weeks later we lost our friend Gizmo, he was a shock, his death broke me. Oh and there was work, adapting the church to a fully online model took a lot of time. I no longer just though about how to have a service, but how to do it livestreaming and archiving legally.

However, having said all of that, I hope to still add posts about bread baking, my Commodore 64, RPG, Ham Radio, spirituality, and even my friend Gizmo. I am beginning to feel renewed, let’s hope for a while.

Saint Dutch

Grandad is always intentional.

When I was younger and we left the house to work in the yard there was a process. We walked to the basement and sat on the steps, we changed from our shoes into our boots, we left out of the garage, past the second refrigerator full of coke, past Grandma’s car, past the tennis ball that hangs from the ceiling (so that she knew when to stop), past the air compressor on the left. We walked past the old well that’s been covered up as long as I could remember and took a right, walked parallel to the creek, and across the front yard toward the shed that looks out upon the garden.

Every move, every step, full of intention.

At the right time of year, the garden would be full of tomatoes, corn, cucumbers, and green beans. Lots of green beans, so many in fact Grandma and Grandad would sit on the porch after harvest to wash them to prepare them for canning, usually well over 100 cans. But that day wasn’t a canning day.

As we approached the shed we passed an old horse drawn plow, an antique, it was now a reminder of days’ past. I would always place my hand on its handle, thinking how strong the men who controlled it must have been, even if it is being pulled by some form of animal. The giant blade would cut into the soil, and the man behind the plow would guide it, walking every inch. Touching the plow, I wondered, “What is strength,” and then I would look to Grandad.

My grandfather grew bush beans instead of the pole beans I often see in the south, and that day I went to pick with him. He’d pick each plant three times because the beans would grow back. We would each get an old milk crate to sit on while we picked and a basket in which to place the beans as we moved down the row.

“Be careful” he’d say, “don’t pull the plant out of the ground, we will pick it again.” He repeated this so often it could be a mantra for some strange religion. In all honesty, I would get a little tired of hearing it, wondering when he would move on to something else.

I said, “Okay,” then pulled the plant out of the ground, hastily returning it, hoping he wouldn’t notice. I realized it takes a firm and gentle hand to pull the beans from the plant without pulling out the plant, and that’s my grandad, firm and gentle.

By trade my grandfather was a painter, I went on a few jobs with him to make extra cash in the summers, well, I just went on one, I was harsh and impatient, he was firm and gentle. I noticed his hand moved with intention, never swaying, never veering, and never any proof that paint had been anywhere it wasn’t supposed to be. I would stand in awe, I don’t think I did anything with that much intention, and for him it was so natural, though never mechanical. His movements were elegant and rooted in peace.

I remember coming in from the garden that day with Grandad.

I was a young minister, and I spoke to grandmother of sermons I would preach about that day, even though I wasn’t sure what they were. To this day, I’ve not preached those sermons, I don’t know if I will ever have the authority to preach them. On my best day, I struggle to live them. Grandad, a military veteran and a boxer would teach me that true strength came from peace.

I was never any good at my grandfather’s trade, but some Sunday’s as I prepare for church I put on my shoes with intention, and I think of Grandad. He is known by many names, Grandma calls him John, his friends call him Dutch, but to me, he is and will always be Grandad. My patron saint of peace.

Embracing the Void

Into The VoidI took an Instagram selfie, I was sitting on the patio of a local bakery, listing to Sea Change by Beck, an album to this point I had never heard but assumed I would like. I had not intended to listen to Sea Change, it was just there, on my MP3 player.

But let me back up for a second…

I came for oatmeal and coffee, which is common on Thursday mornings after my weight watchers meeting and when I have a few hours between other commitments. I just figure I will spend two hours in Jackson as opposed to driving back home for thirty minutes before I have to leave again. I went to Broad Street Café with the intention to eat my oatmeal, drink my coffee, and continue my reading of Wild by Cheryl Strayed. I loved the movie and it is a wonderful book, lately I have been reading about a lot about hiking on the American long trails. Understand that I’m not reading trail guides but stories, stories of accomplishment and stories of wilderness wandering, I followed the Appalachian Trail South then North again with the Barefoot Sisters then I followed Awol’s trek, after that I decided to read about the Pacific Crest Trail with a book called I Promise not to Suffer. After refusing to suffer with Gail Storey, I took a trip back to the AT and followed Earl Shaffer as he walked with spring. Then, back to the PCT after with some Hikertrash and now, I figure since I had read A Walk in the Wood so many years back I should also read Wild.

Broad Street Bakery -Jackson, MS

Broad Street Bakery -Jackson, MS

So there I was with the intention of reading, but my headphones sat, still covered in spider webs from my last hiking trip on the Noxubee Hills Trail in Central Mississippi. But instead of reading more of Chery’s story, I took a selfie and posted it to Instagram. Sadly I had to use my phone since I didn’t have film for my Polaroid Camera. Then, I took a picture of the patio and highway from the perspective of my chair. I played with the slidebars of the picture software on my phone trying to make the picture look like the music I was listening to (something the Polaroid would have done naturally).

I sat there silently, headphones on, with an empty bowl and cup, I wondered if I should start reading then I thought, Nah I will just continue to stare into space listening to music being consumed by the void for just a little bit longer, before re-entering the world.

It was chilly in the shade that morning, I wish I’d brought a scarf.

I have a Quick Question

When I was new to Unitarian Universalism a lot of my friends and family wanted to know more about the religion. After doing a fairly “shoddy” job of explaining it I would get the response, “So it’s not really a religion then.” I was always confused by that statement, because after my time with the UU church I came to see what many would call “true religion.” My Christian heritage actually defines true religion, and I have seen it as long as I have been a UU.

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

-James 1:27

In fact there are two big things that strike me the most about this statement: first, UU’s do this without having to fear God will strike them dead or send them to hell–care is part of our nature; and second, we are not afraid to make it part of our politics. UU’s generally try, though partners and members, to make this list a little longer. We argue on behalf of those who are unable, and we help let others know their voice matters.

In fact, one of the most important things “religious” people do is practice their religion. Okay, maybe that sounds a little cyclical. Let’s take a look at it. Most people define religion very narrowly. I notice often that many have a hard time defining a religion to be a religion without invoking the name of Jesus. UU’s go one step further and don’t even require members to invoke the name of a god.

In so doing, we still use words like faith, communion, and even prayer. I believe UU’s do something revolutionary and extremely honest. We set a basic set of principles and ask that while we work together we abide by them. Religion for us then is not about belief or necessarily even G/god–it is about being part of community and our responsibility to that community.

For Unitarian Universalists, religion is about what we do. What does the existence of G/god even matter when we let children starve, prejudice to be defended, and the innocent die? What makes us strong is that we work together so we don’t have to be afraid, even though we rest in the minority.

Many religions are also defined by their daily practice–whether that practice be prayer, reading, or doing good deeds. Unitarian Univesalists do this as well. We just let others decide their own practice. While some may practice through reading or prayer, others do so through feeding the poor. Still others define practice through revitalizing their community. What is your daily practice, and why is it important to you?

Justin